It's always come easy for me to analyze dreams. Whether they're mine or someone else's, they just make sense.
When I was pregnant, I would have these terrifying dreams about being up high on platforms above big dangerous bodies of water. The platform was always rickety and dangerous. It would always sway in the wind. In one dream, I was on a swing. So as I'm up on this huge tall rickety structure, I look down and see a dark swirling body of water below me. The wind would always pick up and start rocking my platform, and it was all I could do to hang on and avoid falling into the water below. Sometimes there were fish or dangerous creatures in the water, which would surely devour me if I were to fall. Off in the distance I could always see a storm approaching, and I knew once the storm hit, it was all over. I would fall into the water below and I would be done.
These dreams. These nightmares, would startle me awake at night. I would be trembling and sweating, trying to process what was going on in my head! It took me several weeks to figure it out. I was so shaken by these vivid dreams, I was bound to figure out what they meant.
I thought, I'm pregnant. I'm going crazy. Ok, yeah, maybe... so let's go with that for a minute. I'm pregnant. My life is about to change in ways I can't imagine. At that moment it all made sense. It was like I fit one of the pieces of the puzzle together, and the rest of it just clicked.
The tall rickety platform was my life as I knew it. It was getting weaker each time, because with a baby on the way, my life as I knew it was about to crumble. The swirling water below was my new life, that, quite frankly scared the bejeezus out of me. I was (in my dream) trying to hold on to what I knew for the life of me. And then that storm off in the horizon... that was the baby. The pregnancy. As soon as it reached me, I was off that platform (safety), into the water.
Once I had that figured out, my dreams were still as vivid and scary, but at least I wasn't avoiding lakes anymore. When I finally had my daughter, just like that, the dreams stopped. I've had a few bizarre dreams here and there since my babies have been born- and one really rocked me last night.
My grandma passed away in early December 09. I still have a tough time grasping that she's really gone, and I have my moments where I just cry. She was my 87 year old best friend. Since she's passed, I have had two dreams about her. I still can't figure out the first one. When I do, I'll blog about it. But the one last night was not so much bizarre as eye opening.
My grandma and I were at her house in Colorado. She was crying a little bit, and I couldn't get her to tell me what was the matter. She went on to smile (she had a beautiful smile), and tell me she's smelled all the flowers there are to smell, she's seen the sunrise and set in all it's beauty, she's found true love, and she's known true heartache. Then I start to cry, and I am telling her no, I can't I can't. And she is just smililng telling me yes, yes I can, I can! And then the house started to disappear from around us and we were outside, hugging, I didn't want to let her go. But she was fading away too, smiling the whole time.
I think that dream was probably self explanitory. It's time for me to let her go. It's ok for me to miss her like I do, but to have my heart aching this much for her... all I know is I miss her like crazy and I will for a long time, probably for the rest of my life.
